Yay and Nay.

It's already the 30th and it's my bday. The sad thing is I'm one year older. I'm 19 now and I still can't make sense of life. My life is crazy and has so much up and downs. I've seen so many things in my life that does not make sense. I wish I could.. But some people say I think too much. I worry too much in my life. I worry about all the shit that is going in the world and I think too much about the most fuck up incidents of life.

Let me be honest, I believe my whole life is a fuck up and the only thing that keeps me from going insane is probably me trying to make sense of it and me trying to make sense of it makes me closer to being insane. Yes, this doesn't makes sense and I'm am insane which at the same time sounds sane. Is it insane, in a sane way?

These are people I miss and hate at the same time:

Yeah, they may fuck around with my life at times but they were the ones that make me alive back then. I don't who would I be if never meet them. Chai Shung Nyap aka Ah Yek, Vicmore aka Momo, Aaron aka Tito, Hidayat aka Vero, Aldrin aka Boy/Antu (Not in picture), Nasiruddin aka Kidding (Not in picture) and Me aka Teng2. We used to call ourselves Pak-Pak or 88 in Chinese. 88 meant Heil Hitler which used as a joke and 88 was the number kept of appearing in the hip hop video clip rompe. It was kind ironic so we chose that name. Hip hop and hitler. lol

: There is an honorary member, Faizal aka Bon/Pejal. So the number 88 came to a full circle, there were 8 of us. I never knew I might say this but all fuck up ness this people brought to my life, has actual improved me some how. Yeah, they made fun of me as being the "weird" person in the crew, the "odd" one in the gang but that thing made me stronger. I even joked around that if they never made of fun of me and fucked with my mind in the first place, probably I wouldn't survive many things in life.

Maybe that's why I tend to be sadistic in nature and able to withstand the pressure people give me nowadays. If I didn't not learn from that crew, I would probably end up in a fight once a week. Hanging out with these people made me patient and somehow professional at times. I remember the childish things we did and how those childish things actually make us grow up and learn new things in my life. It's kinda like Cable and Deadpool. They were the Deadpool, I was the Cable. I was way too fucking serious with everything back then. They were the comic relief. See the analogy?

So now I'm 19th, what I'm going to do with my life?

I dunno, travel the world and see stuff since my life has been kind of fucking superficial the last 5 years and doesn't make sense. Travel and stuff like:

Stone Henge:

Eiffel Tower:

Ayer Rock:

Or even create my own comic one day:

Maybe I would play in a Death Metal band of myself and infuse grindcore and then form a Melodic Death Metal project band. Wait, I did that already so I'll cancel that off my list.

Or maybe I would play in an industrial/experimental band with electronic influences and cover some Beatles song and make it sound like some Burzum worship band that had sex with Samael and Blacklodge the night before. (John Lennon interview samples included) Oh wait, done that already.. So what's next? I'll post that next time.

Sorry bout the bad grammar/watever, I'm half asleep here. I really need to see a Quentin Tarantino movie now. Bye.